sorry
sorry i havent been able to post in a while — goin through some very rough times emotionally and physically and its climaxing on the 21st — im getting my spinal stimulator implant — hopefully ill post some news before then
Lots of love n Thanks for being a friend to me when i need it guys, Codie
*HUGS 4 ALL*
MRI Results from over the years
Source: ragged-flagon
formspring.me
Ask me questions about ANYTHING http://www.formspring.me/CodieRae
old news posts about my abusers when they first got arrested
TRIGGER WARNING: PEDO RING — ABUSERS NAMES AND ABUSEE’S NAMES
=======================================================
NOTE: THESE ARE OLD….NOT NEW
Read in the order listed
http://pics.binary-logistics.com/abusers/1.htm
^^Articles 1+2: George Harcourt Bull^^
http://pics.binary-logistics.com/abusers/2.htm
http://pics.binary-logistics.com/abusers/3.htm
^^322 Hillside Terr #15 Vista, CA 92804 When i was living with him^^
http://pics.binary-logistics.com/abusers/DavidLeeRoy-RacerDLR.pdf
PDF: Backround check on David, current address among other things
^^ Article3+PDF: David Lee Roy ^^
The Perps: George “JoeyCal” Bull, David Lee “RacerDLR” Roy, Paul F, My Dad, My Mom, David “Faxie” Wilkie, Roland..and bunch others…too many memories…need to put them out here so they are no longer stuck inside
All of them got away without so much a nick scratch on their name except george..
and MAYBE Roland
The other boys: Frankie…Shane…TJ..Matty..n the rest..how i miss all of you and hope you are all doing well
To find out more about my past read the intro post HERE
the turkey i made on thanksgiving
OK Sorry its been a while
Sooo its been a while, sorry about that..
Got the psych eval n she approved the surgery…and my urology appointment went OK, they either want to cut my bladder sphincter or cut a hole in my bladder and the adjacent skin and then sew the 2 holes together so i constantly leak, either out of my penis or out of the hole…
So on the 7th of December(hopefully) i go in for my lead placement surgery which is where they place electrodes in my spine and give me an external IPG (Intermittent Pulse Generator)…they let me try it out for about a week and if all goes well(meaning i get a reduction in pain) they implant it..and then re-up my medications to a more theraputic level..
Currently i’m on Baclofen 10mg 3x a day, Morphine Sulfate Instant Release 15mg 5 times a day, Oxybutynin Chloride Extended Release 10mg 1x a day..none of which except for the baclofen seem to be working that well if at all…bladder spasms still happening…pain increasing.. skeletal muscle spasms are doing ok…but also been having night terrors because of the stress from the pain and other things and the meds not working..
On another good note, wheelchair is fully repaired n good to go with nobby tires, adjusted breaks, seatbelts added, new rims, new front castors, new seat air cushion…just wish i could get this pain to go down so I could get atleast 1 nights solid rest, that isnt too much to ask is it?
Anyways, i dont know if anyone noticed but i added a webcam AND a chat to this site (the button is on the right)
Also, im not doing epidurals anymore…too much pain with too little gain
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!! Hope it went well..i know it did for me! i did a thanksgiving dinner for my ex..20lb turkey, stuffing, mashed-tators, and then a few days later we made chocolate brownies, and then pumpkin pie bars
New Surgery’s and wheelchair parts
first off the urology appointment went OK, the urodynamics test proved that i couldnt empty my bladder unless i had a bladder spasm, and even then it was iffy on whether or not it would empty(they over filled my bladder with a cath, put pressure sensors up my bum, and also had one on the cath to watch for spasms or other issues — they had me so over full it hurt ALOT)
The supra-pubic catheter idea has been denied by me in favor of either a sphinctorectomy(they cut the bladder muscles by stickin a cam and a scalple down my pee hole) or another surgery where they cut a hole in your bladder and one in my lower abdominal wall, and then stitching the holes together so i constantly leak out the hole into my diapers, which means no more cath but for now they are ordering me 6 a month and put me on oxybutynin to try and reduce the pressure and bladder spasms and to continue to let me void without pain..
Also my pain doc has changed me to morphine sulfate instant release 5 times a day, and is having me get a psych eval so i can get the spinal stimulation implant, but my insurance is balking about the psych eval so i have to fight for it, unfortunately.
Oh and i forgot to mention i had another epidural(1cc of Dexamethasone in each of the 4 injection spots in addition to lidocaine and dye) which failed as epicly as the first, a few days of more pain, a few of less, then a lot of days with a lot more pain around the site and other places…also got a cold n fever + other issues…so no more epidurals for me
In addition i dont know if i mentioned going in for new wheelchair parts a while back, the insurance finally approved the payments for it, so the place is ordering the parts and i should be getting them soon..some of the parts include some new castors and or froglegs, castor caps, a new air cushion, a new seat-belt, 2-4 new tires and rims, new back rest, and a general tune-up
Also have been having alot of night-terrors n other stuff, but thats a topic for another post, TTYL ALL
Lots of love, Codie
More tests
So its been a while since the epidural and it went OK…but im going to need psych eval to do the spinal Stimulator implant test, as well as some other surgeries soon(that don’t need the psych eval) like either a bladder/urethral sphincterectomy or a supra-pubic cath(at this point id prefer a sphincterectomy) so i can avoid having plastic tubes tied to my body and or my junk….but anyways more on this later..i have a friend coming in 3 days,(the 3rd) till the 8th..and well be hanging out n going places..so my blog updates may be sparse till after that and a few surgerys…(epidural and suprapubic cath and or sphincterectomy)
Anyways..ill ttyl
Lots of Love, Codie
Laughing At My Nightmare!: Got this email tonight. Press Reblog. Hard.
Hi!
I absolutely love your blog. Your enthusiasm for life is awesome and reading your stories always cheers me up. You’re such a bro. Anyway, I’m sorry to bother you about this, but I was hoping you could help me with something. I have a really great friend named Sarah. She’s sixteen, and two days…
Source: laughingatmynightmare
The Pain Center of Arizona - www.thepaincenter.com
I get my treatment at the Gilbert AZ clinic of this group practice - and its the best i have ever been to! Thanks Doctor Crooks!!
Epidural 1 - Ouch
Had my Epidural steroid today, sore as all hell especially after the 2hr trip there, and 2hr trip home after the 30min-1hr appointment, he upped my percocet, and my baclofen, and is setting me up for the Pain Stimulator (trial) n if it works, then i get the implant, 2 shots on each side were done(not counting the lidocaine(numbing agent)), first they do the lidocaine, then they stick the needle in after marking your back with sharpies, and then inject some MRI contrast dye and then use a radio-imaging machine to properly aim the needle into the right spot, and then inject the steroids….and you then sit in a recovery room n go home after 10min… SoOoO needless to say after a 2hr bumpy ride home…i am in a lot of pain..but it has mostly all gone down by now (5:18PM MST-Arizona) so i am going to try and nap if not sleep, as i am on bed-rest for the next 24-48 hours(as if that matters since i barely leave the bed as is) but on a bad note i cant shower, bathe or swim for the next 48hours(WOW ima smell like pee n BO) and have to watch out for swelling, fever, or loss of bladder/bowels(not that id know anyways since i am cath’d and diaper’d)…but i told the nurse that my pain normally hurts a lot more then any of the pain i went through for the procedure and she went wide eye’d so i guess it went well..since im feeling alot better then normal allready(well see how long that lasts)
Anyways I am out - Lots of Love - CODIE
PS- Ill be posting treatments - medications and a diaper page tommarow for those interested in addition to photos of the epidural site — oh they want to do it again in 3 weeks…possibly six shots that time, not including lidocaine
How do I define abuse? I don’t think abuse can be defined in terms of actions. Abuse is an emotional dynamic that manifests in a variety of actions—the same physical actions that might be far less harmful outside an abusive relationship. I don’t think my mother was abusive because she hit me. I think she was abusive because she taught me I was bad inside. I think she was abusive because she did not want me to have an existence outside her. I think she was abusive because she systematically attacked my sense that I was a person and deserved to be treated like a person; the fact that she slapped me a couple times in the process is, honestly, barely relevant.
(via nosecrets-noregrets)
Source: pervocracy.blogspot.com
The Beginning
NEW POST WITH MORE DETAILS: HERE
..Well people say the beginning is the best place to start..so here I go! I was born on February 10th 1988 to a drug addict mother, with no father in the picture.. I was adopted at 5 weeks old by a (seemingly - youll see why in a bit) nice Jewish family who couldnt have kids of their own…but i digress…I was born premature with a double hernia, strabismus, a hole in my heart, cerebral palsy, and Osgood–Schlatter syndrome, so after flat-lining a few times they got me to the NICU, and i got to go through coke withdrawl till i was ready to be taken home.
<Fast forward 1 year and 6 days after my birthday>
Magically, 1 year and 6 days after i was born, my adoptive parents managed to give birth to a little bundle of joy all their own so i became the figurative punching bag for my dads anger issues…as well as his sexual outlet later on —and then my nutty moms psychological punching bag later(but enough of the uber icky stuff)
Soo ok as far as how that effected me? minor PTSD, 3-4 ruptured discs(and torn ligaments), TMJ(your jaw joint —yeah mine doesnt have cartilage, it grinds pops n dislocates), and finally Complex Regional Pain Syndrome —not that that’s all i have mind you, just all that my dad caused..i also later acquired MRSA from having to be catheterized..and then my roomy yanking it out..while it was inflated…and then subsequent renal failure from the MRSA infection
So, for my whole life ive pretty much been on my own..been in nursing homes, group homes, adult foster care..and other similar things..like living with friends when i could, so anyways..lets fast forward again <now to my current life>
The docs are doing a steroid epidural this month, and then plans are in the works to get me on better medications..and do a pain pump implant(basically an insulin pump full of morphine, hooked to the area where your CSF(cerebro spinal fluid) is) after doing a spinal stimulator implant(8-16 electrodes placed in the spine to block out pain signals with electricity)..Also ive been in a wheelchair for the past four to five years now…I have blackouts and psudeo siezures from pain and have been on almost all opiods…typically doses higher then a cancer patient…so im hoping the surgerys will help me have a life..
Also just to fill you guys in my diagnoses page lists what each one is, and then im going to update the sub pages to describe each one, so i can try to use this blog to help educate people, meet new friends, and possibly help others in the same situation
Anyways, im out Lots of love - Codie
